ScreamFree Parenting, by Hal Edward Runkel

I thoroughly enjoyed this book - it presents sound principles and valuable ideas. Best of all, it works perfectly with my preferred "disciplining method" which is Love and Logic.

“I want you to actually say this out loud: “I am responsible to my child for how I behave, regardless of how he or she behaves.”

"The focus is on you because ultimately you are the only one you can control. If you make sure you behave—even when your kids misbehave—then you have a greater chance of positively influencing the situation, any situation. That is ScreamFree Parenting.”

One of the basic tenants of this philosophy is that we must act and not be acted upon - when we are reactive to the anxiety our kids create, we tend to "scream," whether by word or action. If we grow up and control ourselves, we can be in charge. “When we need others to accept us or validate us by doing whatever we tell them to do, we make them the caretakers of our emotional remote controls.”

One of my favorite quotes: “Your children cannot push you over the edge, press your magic buttons, or bring you to the brink. They are simply not that powerful. Your emotional responses are up to you. You always have a choice." I believe we always have I choice. But I also believe our children are powerful. Even the author admits in other places in the book that he still reaches the brink occasionally.

Runkel focuses for some time on how children evolve and change, and the fact that parents need to champion their evolution. This is more than noticing, allowing, or reacting to how our children change. It is drawing attention to their evolution and making it a noteworthy thing. As children evolve, so do rules and procedures. Champion their evolution.

Another interesting recommendation, which I never had considered, is that parents enforce consequences we actually want to enforce. Grounding a child from friends for two months is not something anyone wants to enforce. How and why are the important questions - and often natural consequences will do the work for us.

It is an easy read (I read it within a 7 hour time frame) and has some good humor and suspense. I highly recommend it to anyone who would like to teach their children how to manage themselves.